Let’s talk about guilt. Not the kind that comes from doing something wrong - but the quieter kind. The everyday guilt that simmers beneath the surface of so many women’s lives. The guilt that whispers, “You’re not doing enough. You’re letting someone down.” 

It shows up in working mums who feel like they’re never fully present anywhere - rushing from a work meeting with a half-written to-do list to school pick-up where they realise they’ve forgotten it’s library day. Again.

It shows up in leaders who care deeply and carry the weight of a team’s wellbeing on their shoulders - yet feel guilty when they consider carving out time for themselves.

And it shows up in countless other places too:

• Feeling bad for not being “in the mood” for intimacy when you’re utterly exhausted.

• Worrying that you haven’t called your mum back soon enough.

• Wondering if you’re being a good enough friend, sister, daughter…

• Feeling selfish when you finally say “no” to something you always used to say “yes” to.

Guilt, for so many women, is baked into the blueprint of daily life.

But here’s the truth: that guilt isn’t a personal failing. It’s a cultural one.

The Mental Load and Emotional Labour 

Let’s start with the invisible stuff.

Research shows women still carry the lion’s share of the mental load - the behind-the-scenes thinking, remembering, planning, and emotional managing that keeps families and relationships ticking along. From knowing which child needs what costume on which day, to remembering your partner’s mum’s birthday, to checking in on that friend who’s been having a hard time.

One study revealed that mothers take on 71% of the mental load in households compared to 45% for fathers. And that’s just the practical side. Emotional labour - the work of soothing, noticing, anticipating others’ needs - often goes unacknowledged and unrewarded, but it’s absolutely draining.

And when something slips through the cracks? Cue the guilt.

Why Guilt Hits Women So Hard 

There’s a reason this emotion is so persistent. Many women grow up absorbing the idea that they’re meant to be all things to all people: competent, caring, selfless, resilient, nurturing, productive, available. At work. At home. In bed. In friendships. In family relationships.

And when they can’t sustain that (because who could?), guilt creeps in like smoke under the door.

It’s worth noting that sexual guilt, in particular, can be deeply embedded in women’s psychology. Studies show that guilt around sexual desire - or lack of it - is often linked to low self-esteem and perfectionism. And when you’re physically depleted, emotionally overwhelmed, or mentally overstretched, guilt about not “putting out” just adds another weight to carry.

So What Can We Do About It? 

Here are some research-backed (and coach-approved) strategies to start releasing guilt and reclaiming your energy:

1. Acknowledge it, don’t argue with it. 

Guilt thrives in silence. When it pops up, name it: “This is guilt talking. That doesn’t mean it’s telling the truth.” By recognising the feeling without letting it run the show, you create space to choose a new response.

2. Interrogate the standard you’re holding yourself to. 

Ask: “Whose voice is this? Where did I learn that I have to be everything to everyone?” Often, we’re operating under unspoken rules we didn’t choose. Questioning them can be the first step to letting them go.

3. Redefine what ‘enough’ means. 

Not based on what other people expect - but based on what you value. You are allowed to make decisions that prioritise your energy, your wellbeing, your needs. That doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you wise.

4. Practice self-compassion. 

According to psychologist Dr Kristin Neff, self-compassion is more effective than self-esteem when it comes to building resilience. It’s about being kind to yourself in moments of failure, struggle, or imperfection. Because beating yourself up won’t make you better - it’ll just make you smaller.

5. Talk about it. 

Shame dies when stories are shared in safe spaces. Whether it’s a friend, coach, or community, you are not alone in this. You are not the only one who feels this way. And there is strength in naming it out loud.

A New Way Forward 

What if guilt wasn’t your default setting?

What if you could let go of the pressure to do it all - and instead, choose to do what matters?

What if “good enough” really was enough?

You are not failing. You are carrying more than anyone sees. And you’re doing a better job than you give yourself credit for.

It’s time to rewrite the story.

Not just for you - but for every woman watching you, wondering if it’s okay to do the same.